Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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