She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
