Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
