ya dads aren't the best wingmen
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
