He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
