why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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