If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
