I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
