HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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