3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
