a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
