I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
