I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
