I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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