That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just forgot I was standing up.
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