I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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