I just pynch a tree in the face
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
