My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
