how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
