Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you win again, gameday.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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