Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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