I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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