Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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