Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
