I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
