the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
