I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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