my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
