Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
