she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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