Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
