what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
