Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
