Is it normal to miss your booty call?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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