I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
