I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
