wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
