I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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