my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
