After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
