I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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