I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
