omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I am mentally ready for anal.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
