it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
