Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
