I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
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I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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