some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
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How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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