well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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