He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
