I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
