I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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