Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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