...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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