Plan B is the new Plan A
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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