i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
