there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't turn off my feet"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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