And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
