Non-Jews are for practice
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
