mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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