I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
