the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
